Uncontrolled laughter....

The tenth step of humility calls us to reflect on the nature of our laughter and what it reveals about the condition of our hearts.

Benedict does not forbid humor. Indeed, humor can be one of life's great blessings. It enables us to see ourselves with perspective, to acknowledge our imperfections, and to find joy even in difficult circumstances. But Benedict takes laughter seriously because he understands that the things we laugh at reveal something about who we are.

Loud, raucous, uncontrolled laughter may reflect a lack of self-discipline. Yet Benedict's deeper concern is not simply the volume of our laughter, but the spirit from which it arises.

It is our crasser nature that troubles Benedict. Ethnic jokes are not funny. Sexist jokes are not funny. The disabilities and misfortunes of others are not funny. Derision, sneers, sarcasm, and snide remarks have no place in a life shaped by humility. Such behavior elevates ourselves at the expense of others, often disguising cruelty as humor.

True humor brings people together; destructive laughter sets them apart. One celebrates our shared humanity; the other diminishes it.

The humble person cultivates a spirit in which everyone is safe. Safe from ridicule, safe from humiliation, safe from becoming the object of another's amusement. Humility asks us to create an atmosphere in which people can be themselves without fear of being diminished.

Perhaps this is the heart of Benedict's teaching: humility is not the absence of laughter, but the presence of love in our laughter.

And when our humor springs from love rather than superiority, laughter itself becomes an expression of grace.

The discipline of silence....

The ninth step of humility asks us to learn the discipline of silence: Do not speak unless asked a question. Benedict supports this with the ancient wisdom, “In a flood of words you will not avoid sin,” and, “A talkative person goes about aimlessly on the earth.”

It is difficult to overstate how important it is to control our speech and to prefer silence to speaking.

Unless we learn to restrain our words and appreciate silence, our judgments can quickly become the norm, our opinions the measure of things, and our words the last words—the only words that matter. Humility asks something very different of us. It invites us to be the last one into a conversation rather than the first. It teaches us to listen before answering, to understand before judging, and to remain open to the possibility that another person may possess a truth we have not yet seen.

This is the ground upon which humility is formed.

Silence is not emptiness. It is room—room for another person to speak, room for wisdom to emerge, room for God to be heard. The humble person does not need to fill every silence, correct every statement, defend every position, or have the final word.

Both our speech and our humor reveal something about the condition of the heart. Benedict asks us to cultivate a heart disciplined enough to listen, gentle enough not to wound, and humble enough to make room for another.

“The humble person cultivates a soul in which everyone is safe. A humble person handles the presence of the other with soft hands, a velvet heart, and an unveiled mind.”

Living the Rule....

The eighth step of humility reminds us that the Rule is our guide. We are not called to invent the spiritual life for ourselves, but to enter the stream of wisdom that Benedict received, shaped, and passed on—and that generations of faithful people have lived ever since.

There is humility in accepting that others may know something we do not.

We are called to value the truth taught by others, to seek out wisdom wherever it may be found, and then to enshrine that wisdom in our hearts. Benedict warns us, in effect, against becoming our own blind guides. Left entirely to ourselves, we can too easily mistake preference for principle, stubbornness for conviction, and our own desires for the voice of God.

And so we attach ourselves to teachers.

We listen to those whose lives bear witness to wisdom. We pay attention to the experience of the community. We allow ourselves to be instructed by those who have walked the road before us.

Our communities have much to teach us if we are humble enough to listen.

This wisdom is not confined to the monastery. It comes to us through family, through the Church, through friends and teachers, and through those quiet people whose faithful lives reveal truths that words alone cannot convey. Their experience becomes part of the great inheritance from which we learn how to live.

The eighth step of humility asks us to recognize that we do not travel toward God alone. We stand within a living tradition. Others have struggled where we struggle, fallen where we fall, and discovered paths through darkness that we have not yet seen.

Humility allows us to receive their wisdom.

We honor those who have gone before us not by copying them blindly, but by listening carefully, learning gratefully, and allowing their experience to deepen our own.

The Rule keeps us in the stream.

The community keeps us from wandering alone.

And humility gives us the wisdom to remain teachable.

A time for compassion....

Only by being humbled in our own eyes can we begin to see our true place in His world.

To recognize our weakness does not diminish us. It frees us. It liberates us from the exhausting illusion that we must somehow be without fault.

And once we have faced our own frailty, something remarkable happens: we become gentler with the frailty of others. We become more than merely tolerant of those whose flaws have been painfully revealed. We understand them. Their failures no longer seem foreign to us, because we discover something of them within ourselves.

Frequently, our age finds such humility difficult. We feel the need to defend ourselves, justify ourselves, and conceal our weaknesses.

Yet the paradox remains: the smaller we become in our own eyes, the larger our capacity for compassion.

Here lies one of Benedict’s great steps toward spiritual maturity: when I no longer need to stand above another, I am finally free to stand along side of them with the living Christ by our side.

The Sixth Step

The sixth step of humility asks us to be completely content with the lowest and most menial treatment, and to consider ourselves poor and worthless workmen in whatever task we are given.  We have absolutely no sense of "enoughness."

We spend our lives climbing ladders, chasing upgrades, and demanding recognition.  Living with this constant pursuit of excess causes us to lose our true place in the world. When we are constantly surrounded by privilege, praise, or the frantic desire for more, the ego inflates. We inevitably begin to believe that the story is really all about us.

Benedict’s instruction to embrace the menial is not about self-hatred or degradation. It is a deliberate practice of emptying. When we do the dishes, take out the trash, or accept being overlooked without a flare of resentment, we are actively dismantling our own entitlement.

When we stop demanding to be treated as special, we stop wasting energy defending our status. We finally let go and surrender. And it is only in that profound letting go—in the quiet, unglamorous acceptance of being ordinary—that we create the necessary room in our souls for what this world alone cannot offer: the Creator within.

It is a beautiful paradox: by voluntarily accepting the lowest place, we are finally freed from the exhausting burden of our own importance and we unconditionally accept His Grace and the Way.

The Fifth Step....

The fifth step of humility demands radical transparency: the willingness to uncover our hidden faults, secret behaviors, and darkest thoughts, laying them completely bare before God and a trusted spiritual guide.

While the fourth step asks us to endure external contradictions, the fifth requires us to bravely face our internal reality. Benedict understands self-revelation is the absolute prerequisite for spiritual growth. We cannot transform what we refuse to acknowledge. We must first do the hard work of revealing to ourselves who we really are—our true motives, our hidden resentments, and our quiet egos.

This degree of humility is a direct assault on our modern obsession with image management. We spend so much energy curating our lives and hiding our flaws, but Benedict asks us to drop the exhausting facade. By opening our hearts to the Holy One and confessing all we have done, we stop defending our brokenness and start asking for the grace to wash it away. It is an act of supreme trust: trusting that God's mercy is greater than our worst instincts.

This unmasking is what finally kills the ego and opens the door to genuine tranquility. Stripped of our pretense, we no longer have to defend a false image, making us capable of receiving true guidance. As Sister Joan Chittister beautifully observes:

The Benedictine heart, the spiritual heart, is a heart that exposes itself in all of its weaknesses and all of its pain and all of its struggles to God who has the insight, the discernment, the care to call us out of our worst selves to the height to which we aspire... We must cease to wear our masks, stop pretending to be perfect, and accept the graces of growth that can come to us from the wise and gentle hearts of people of quality around us. ... Once we know who we are, all the delusions of grandeur, all the righteousness that's in us dies and we come to peace with the world. 

Sister Joan Chittister       

 

 

 

 

Step four... perseverance....

The fourth degree of humility in St. Benedict's Rule is often considered the most difficult, precisely because it strips away our romanticized ideals of spiritual growth. It asks us to endure quietly when facing "hard and contrary things, even injustice."

Sister John’s metaphor of the snails on the seawall is striking. We often cling desperately to the hard, familiar surfaces of our own egos, our need to be right, and our desire for a comfortable, curated life. We mistake that rigid seawall for safety, completely missing that the vast, unpredictable ocean of grace and experience is where we are actually meant to live and explore.

We live in a culture that treats discomfort and contradiction as system failures. We have become a people without tolerance for struggle. But a perfectly clear path teaches us nothing about resilience, grace, or genuine reliance on God. 

It is the contradiction itself that does the shaping. When we fail, when we are misunderstood, or when our plans unravel, we are forced to let go of our illusions of control. It is much easier to be "holy" when everything is going our way.

Enduring these moments without lashing out or giving up is exactly what tempers the soul. Like steel in a forge, it is the combination of heat (contradiction) and time (perseverance) that creates unbreakable strength and a profound, quiet bravery.

Learning to be led....

In invite you to listen to Gabriel's Oboe as you ponder today's reading.

The third step of humility calls us to submit ourselves to those who have been entrusted with leading us toward the love of God. Benedict tells us that we do this in imitation of the living Christ, who “became obedient unto death.”

At first, the instruction can sound almost simplistic: Obey the one who leads you.

But Benedict understood something profound about the human spirit. One of the hardest things we ever do is allow another person to teach us, correct us, redirect us, or show us a truth we would rather not see.

We readily seek God on our own terms. We are considerably less enthusiastic when God speaks through another human being.

Yet the spiritual life cannot flourish if I insist upon being my own final authority.

Humility therefore asks us to listen—to truly listen—to those whose wisdom, experience, and love may lead us farther along the road toward God. In Benedict’s community, the abbot or prioress does not replace Christ. Rather, the leader is charged with making Christ present: teaching, guiding, correcting, encouraging, and sometimes challenging us when we have become too comfortable with ourselves.

And therein lies the difficulty.

So often we stubbornly resist precisely those who love us enough to challenge us. We defend ourselves. We explain ourselves. We question motives. We cling desperately to our own judgment because surrender feels dangerously like weakness.

But there is another danger—the arrogance of believing that no one has anything left to teach us.

That road does not lead to freedom. It leads gradually to isolation.

The third step of humility invites us instead into contemplative consciousness: a quiet inner willingness to listen before answering, to seek understanding before defending ourselves, and to loosen our grip upon that persistent human hunger for control.

This is not servility.

It is not abandoning conscience.

It is not surrendering ourselves to unhealthy authority.

It is something far more demanding: the willingness to believe that God may speak to us through another person.

The great question becomes not simply, Do I agree?

It becomes:

What might God be asking me to hear?

Perhaps this is why obedience and humility are inseparable for Benedict. The humble person does not assume that every personal desire is sacred, every opinion correct, or every resistance justified. Humility leaves the door open.

And through that opening— grace can enter.

Sister Joan Chittister expresses the promise beautifully: “Once I'm able to do that, then there is no end to how high I might rise, how deep I might grow.”

That is the paradox of Benedictine humility.

We descend the ladder by surrendering our insistence upon ourselves—and discover that we are actually rising.

We relinquish power—and discover freedom.

We learn to follow—and discover Christ walking before us.

Lord, quiet the voice within me
that must always defend itself. Give me the humility to listen,
the wisdom to discern, and the courage
to follow when you speak through another.
Teach me to surrender not my conscience,
but my pride; not my dignity, but my need to control.
Lead me beyond myself, deeper into you. Amen.

Thy will be done....

This is not a hollow echo from the Lord’s Prayer. It is one of the most demanding petitions we can ever utter. The first rung on Benedict’s ladder of humility is the recognition that God is God—and we are not. The second asks us to begin living as though we truly believe it.

Joan Chittister writes, “We must reach out for God before we can even begin to live the God life. We must understand that we are not our own destinies.” That realization changes everything. If God is God, then the fullness of life lies not simply in getting what we desire, but in learning to desire what God desires.

And there lies the one of the many great mysteries: 

How do we know the will of God?

When we are called to resist the tide, confront injustice, and struggle against what is before us? When we are called to accept what cannot be changed, embrace the pain, and walk faithfully through the darkness?

Surrender is not passivity. It is discernment.

Perhaps there is wisdom in the thought that God’s will is sometimes what remains after we have prayed, struggled, acted, hoped, and prayed again—and still the circumstance stands before us. Then the question may no longer be, How can I escape this? but, How shall I meet God within it?  Each of us must discover that doorway for ourselves.

Teach me, Lord, to distinguish Your will from my own;
to struggle when You call me to struggle,
to surrender when You call me to surrender,
and in both, to trust You completely.
Thy will be done. Amen.

Vigilant....

We are weak creatures, and Benedict never asks us to pretend otherwise. The spiritual life does not begin with the illusion that we will somehow rise above our frailty. It begins with the humility to recognize it.

We will fall throughout the day. We will speak too quickly, judge too harshly, become impatient, distracted, proud, or simply forgetful of God. The danger is not that we fall. The danger is that we fall asleep to our falling.

And so Benedict calls us to vigilance—to be awake at every hour, attentive to the movements of the heart, willing to see ourselves clearly. This is not anxious self-examination. It is the quiet awareness of one who knows that every moment offers the possibility of returning to God.

To recognize a fault is already to awaken. To confess it is to turn toward the light. To begin again is grace.

Our task, then, is not to become perfect creatures who never stumble. It is to become people who continually turn back toward God—again and again, throughout the ordinary hours of the day.

Ever watchful. Ever returning. Ever seeking, in all that we do, to praise and please the Lord.

Amen....

Free me Lord from the tyranny of my worst desires.....

To turn our backs on our own desires is not to become less fully ourselves. It is to loosen the grip of the false self—the self that insists on having its own way, protecting its own importance, feeding its own appetites. Benedict asks us instead to pray with Christ: not my will, but yours be done.

“Guard me, Lord, from my wicked ways.” Purge from me whatever narrows the heart, whatever turns me inward, whatever keeps me from becoming the person you created me to be. Teach me to nourish the soul rather than endlessly satisfying the self.

But humility must never become despair. We are not prisoners of some essential weakness, doomed always to fail and forever separated from God. Our weakness may reveal our need for grace, but grace calls us beyond it. The spiritual life is not an acceptance of mediocrity. It is an awakening to possibility.

Sister Joan Chittister writes that “humility lies in knowing who we are and what our lives are meant to garner.” And there lies the beautiful paradox: true humility does not tell us that we are nothing. It tells us what we are for.

We are made to grow beyond ourselves.
We are made for holiness.
We are made for greatness—not the greatness of power, possession, or praise, but the greatness of love.

We are made for God.

Unity...

Oh Holy One, you know our every thought, every desire, every hidden movement of our heart. By your grace, teach us to guard ourselves from the darkness that rises within us and to open our eyes to your light.

For God is not somewhere outside us, waiting to be stumbled upon. God is here—nearer than we imagine, dwelling within the deepest places of our being. The spiritual journey is not a search for an absent God but an awakening to the God who is waiting within.

We must learn to open our eyes to that light—the light that exposes what is false, drives out the darkness, and draws us toward love.

There is an ancient story of a seeker who travels great distances searching for God, only to discover that the One sought has been present all along.

Perhaps God and we are something like the sun and its light, the ocean and the wave, the singer and the song. Not one. Not two. Distinct, yet inseparable in communion. We live every moment within the presence of God. The tragedy is not that God is absent, but that we so often fail to notice. (Sr Joan)

Open my eyes, Lord. Open my heart. Open my mind.

Let me recognize the light shining within. Open my eyes to your love.

The First Step of Humility

The first step of humility is to awaken within ourselves a deep and profound attitude of awe, reverence, love, and honor our God our Creator.

Benedict reminds us that every moment of our lives is lived in the presence of God. Every action, every thought, every longing of the heart is known to God. This is not meant to frighten us. It is meant to awaken us.

We are in God, and God is in us.

Perhaps the image of the wave and the ocean will help us understand. A wave rises from the ocean. For a moment it appears to have an existence of its own. It has shape and movement and power. But the wave has never ceased to be the ocean. It cannot exist apart from the ocean. Its life, its strength, its very being come from the vastness beneath it.

So it is with us and God.

We are not God, but neither do we live apart from God. “In him we live and move and have our being.” We rise from the mystery of God's creative love, are sustained by that love, and ultimately return everything we are to God.

Humility begins when we remember this—when this becomes the foundation on which we build.

Then pride begins to loosen its hold. The demands of the flesh lose some of their power. We stop imagining ourselves to be the center of existence and begin to recognize our place within the great mystery of creation.

But this awareness must be tended. We must continually fan the spiritual fire within us.

The first step of humility is not simply avoiding sin. It is nurturing the presence of God within until the love of God begins to impel everything we do. And when we truly love God, we inevitably begin to love what God loves—the world, the stranger, the difficult person, the forgotten person, every child of God.

Humility becomes love.

By your grace, give me strength.

Teach me to do your will at all times and in all places.

Open my eyes, O Lord, that I may see you within me,
around me, and in every person I meet.

Amen.

We must learn....

Humility lies at the very heart of Benedictine spirituality. If we carry away only one thing from the wisdom of Saint Benedict, perhaps it should be Chapter 7. Sister Joan recognizes its extraordinary importance when she writes that if the preservation of the globe in the twenty-first century requires anything from the past, it may well be the Rule’s commitment to humility.

Humility, however, is not humiliation. It is not weakness, self-denigration, or a lack of self-esteem. Humility is truth—a proper sense of self and a right relationship with God, with others, and with the world around us.

Much of the disorder Sister Joan sees in contemporary civilization grows from the absence of this truth: the powerful believing themselves entitled to dominate the powerless; the wealthy prospering at the expense of the poor; societies consuming without restraint; individuals and nations behaving as though nothing exists beyond their own desires.

Benedict offers another way. Using Jacob’s ladder, he tells us that we descend when we exalt ourselves and ascend when we humble ourselves. The paradox is profound.

We begin the spiritual journey by learning our place in the universe—recognizing our dependence upon God, our connection to one another, and our responsibility for the whole of creation. Humility teaches us that we are neither the center of the universe nor insignificant within it. We belong.

And Benedict invites us to live that truth completely—to bring body and soul, thought and action, desire and behavior into harmony. Humility is not thinking less of ourselves. It is finally seeing ourselves clearly enough to know who we are, whose we are, and how we are called to live.

Listen in the silence....

Our silence makes listening possible...

I cry aloud, but He in silence gives more instruction. (Augustine)  God may be speaking most clearly precisely when we have finally stopped supplying all the words.

Benedict begins with the Psalmist: I have resolved to keep watch over my ways that I may never sin with my tongue. The Desert Fathers understood why. They knew that the tongue easily becomes the servant of the ego—defending itself, displaying itself, judging others, filling every silence with its own importance.

But Benedictine silence is not simply not talking. Cassian knew that even silence can wound when it becomes cold, passive-aggressive, or indifferent to another's need. Augustine understood the same paradox: there are times when we sin by speaking, but there are also times when we sin by refusing to speak.

The answer is not to be mute. The answer is listening.

Before the tongue speaks, the heart must become quiet enough to hear. We listen for God. We listen to the person standing before us. We listen to the accumulated wisdom of the community. And perhaps most difficult of all, we listen carefully enough to recognize the voice of our own ego masquerading as wisdom.

My own noise all too easily drowns out the voice of God. I become occupied with what I want to say next rather than with what another person is saying now. At that moment , there is no room left for another person's experience, another person's wisdom, another person's truth.

When speech becomes unrestrained and gossip becomes the food of the soul,
the destruction of community cannot be far behind. (Sr. Joan)

Silence creates space — space for another, space for reflection, space for peace, space for God.

The disciple asks, How am I to listen?

Listen until the need to impose yourself grows quiet.
Listen until another person can finish.
Listen until God's whisper becomes louder than your own voice.

Perhaps that is the Benedictine discipline of silence — not, learning how not to speak, but learning when a word comes from God — and when it comes only from ourselves. 

Obedience of the heart....

Obedience cannot be reduced to doing what we are told. We may carry out every instruction, fulfill every obligation, and still remain inwardly resistant. We go through the motions, grumbling beneath our breath, nursing resentment, perhaps even congratulating ourselves for having complied. But there is little truth in such obedience. We become a living lamentation—physically present, outwardly cooperative, but inwardly absent.

This is not obedience. It is compliance, and compliance eventually diminishes both the person and the community.

Benedict asks for something far more demanding: that we obey freely, willingly, openly, wholeheartedly. The real work is not simply learning to serve but growing to want to serve. That transformation cannot be commanded. It grows slowly as we learn to recognize the voice of God speaking through the community and through those whose needs interrupt our own desires.

True obedience begins in listening. We listen not merely for instructions but for God. And gradually our question changes from “What am I required to do?” to “How am I being called to love?” and in time, a heartfelt appeal, "What can I do to serve you?"

This is spiritual growth: becoming increasingly willing to surrender ourselves to God and to one another—not reluctantly, but freely.

We obey because we are learning to love.

The Urgency of Listening...

Obedience begins in love. If we truly cherish Christ above all else, Benedict suggests, then obedience ceases to be merely submission and becomes response. We listen because we love; we surrender because we trust.

Think about that a moment....

We surrender because we trust.

But there is urgency here as well. Benedict does not permit us the luxury of endless deliberation while protecting our own preferences. 

The obedient heart is ready to move—to lay down what it is doing,
loosen its grip on its own will, and listen.

Yet where are we to hear the voice of God? Certainly within, in the movement of the Spirit, striving to get our attention.  Certainly through legitimate authority. But Benedict presses us further: we must learn to hear God in one another.

This may be the great paradox of the spiritual life. If our life is centered entirely upon God, why does Benedict devote so much attention to the human? Sister Joan suggests because the human is where God chooses to meet us. Christ comes to us embodied—embodied in the person beside us, in the community that challenges us, in the voice we would rather ignore.

We empty ourselves not to become less, but to make room.

Listen. Love is the motive. Wisdom is the way.
Obedience is the listening heart that joins them.

Surrender Novena....

Click on the 3-dot menu ...  on the bottom right of the image above

and select Fullscreen.

To exit Fullscreen hit the ESC key.

The work of a lifetime....

Listen, and devote yourself to prayer.

The spiritual life begins with a willingness to be formed. We must desire this beyond all else—not merely to know more about God, but to become more fully the person God calls us to be. That requires honesty: honesty with ourselves, honesty with God, and the courage to respond to the God who is present here and now.

We must be willing to confront ourselves as we truly are. We bring before God our failures, our weaknesses, our self-deceptions, and our restless desires. We ask forgiveness, rise again, and continue along the way.

Through surrender, we gradually learn to turn away from the promptings of the flesh and the tyranny of self-will. We learn to resist that part of ourselves that wants to act compulsively, impulsively, and entirely on our own terms. Benedictine obedience—faithful listening—is essential to this journey.

But obedience is not meant to disconnect us, diminish us, or erase who we are. Quite the opposite. True obedience connects us more deeply to God, to one another, and to the whole human family. It teaches us that wisdom does not reside in us alone. We must remain attentive both to God and to the world, listening for the voice of God in prayer and for the wisdom that comes to us through others.

This requires persistence, dedication, and commitment to community. Spirituality is a way of life, not an aesthetic exercise. It is not something we admire from a distance; it must be practiced in the ordinary circumstances of our days. It is worked out in relationships, responsibilities, disappointments, forgiveness, restraint, patience, and love.

And we will fail.

We must expect that.

But failure is not the end of the spiritual journey. Benedict reminds us never to lose hope in God's mercy. We begin again. We listen again. We surrender again. We try again.

This is the work of a lifetime, and it is work best done within the stability of community, where others help form us, challenge us, forgive us, and reveal truths we might never discover alone.

Little by little, faithful listening takes us beyond the narrow boundaries of self. It draws us out of isolation and self-will, into communion with others and, ultimately, into the mind and heart of God.

He walks beside us...

We are called to recognize a truth that the ego resists: we are not the sole authors of our own story. We participate in its writing, certainly, but the story begins in God, unfolds under grace, and ultimately returns to God.

Benedict asks us to remember that life is finite. Keep death daily before your eyes. Not as a threat, but as a clarifying light. The question is not simply, How long will I live? but, What will I have to say when I stand before the One who gave me life?

What history are we writing with the days that remain?

Benedict's answer is wonderfully practical: keep careful watch over what you do. Watch your actions. Watch your desires. Watch the thoughts that rise within you before they become words or deeds. When a destructive thought appears, do not wrestle with it alone. Recognize the living Christ is standing beside you. Turn to Him and ask, What would you have me do?

Such awareness changes us.

As we age, our vision of the world changes. Experience teaches perspective. Certainties soften. What once seemed desperately important sometimes becomes trivial, while mercy, justice, faithfulness, friendship, and love become immeasurably precious. By His Grace, one of the great invitations of aging is to become increasingly conscious of the presence of God—to discover that he has been beside us all along.

This consciousness also teaches moderation. Benedict will not have us consumed by anything—not even by things that are good. When ambition, possessions, pleasure, anger, work, causes, or even our own righteousness possess us, something essential is lost. Discipline creates room for freedom.

The ancient wisdom of the middle way calls us toward balance—not lukewarm living, but ordered living: passion without possession, conviction without arrogance, strength without domination. And so perhaps the spiritual practice is remarkably simple:

Recognize that Christ stands beside you at every moment of every day.

When you do not know what comes next, turn toward him. Ask. Listen. Then walk forward.

By grace alone, surrender becomes freedom,
discipline becomes peace, and our remaining days
become increasingly directed toward the good—toward mercy,
toward justice, and toward God.

The Peacemaker....

Rid your heart of all deceit. Benedict calls us to become true—to bring the person within, the words we speak, and the life we actually live into harmony.

Sister Joan Chittister beautifully calls this the peacemaker. The phrase is wonderfully exact. Benedict is describing the inner discipline required of anyone who would carry peace into the world:

Do not repay evil with evil. Do not injure another. Bear injury patiently.
Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you.
Endure persecution for the sake of justice.

Romans 12:17; 1 Peter 3:9; Romans 13:10; Matthew 7:12;
Matthew 5:39; 1 Corinthians 6:7; Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27;
Luke 6:28; Romans 12:14; Matthew 5:10; 1 Peter 3:14.

And so we are called to live the gospel message. This is not weakness. It is disciplined strength. Christ never tells us that our purpose is to win. He tells us to love.

Stay gentle, therefore, even with those who are not gentle with you. Refuse to allow another person’s anger to determine the condition of your soul. Violence—in word, attitude, judgment, or action—has no place in the heart that seeks Christ.

But we must be honesty with ourselves. We must become what we say we are. Seek peace. Accept reality. Stand centered in the truth of who you are before God. Begin every act by inviting Christ into it: Guide this. Bless this. Correct this. Stop me if this is not of you.

Our difficulty is that we so easily fill ourselves with ourselves. We expect too much, consume too much, demand too much, and contribute too little. The ego becomes engorged until there is no room left for the simple furniture of the soul: humility, patience, mercy, truth, gratitude, and love.

The Benedictine way continually empties that crowded room.

It reminds us that the spiritual life is not about protecting our importance, defending our position, or securing our victory. It is about becoming spacious enough for Christ to live within us.

So enter every room asking not, What will I receive here? but, What peace can I bring?

Speak truth without cruelty.

Bear injury without becoming bitter.

Bless when you might curse.

Love when retaliation would be easier.

To be a peacemaker is not simply to avoid conflict. It is to become so deeply rooted in Christ that conflict does not determine who we become. The peacemaker carries another possibility into the room: reconciliation instead of retaliation, blessing instead of bitterness, love instead of victory.

And remember, always:

It really is not about us.

It is about becoming so transparent, that through us, someone else might encounter Christ.

First you must love....

Chapter 4 of the Rule brings us abruptly from aspiration to action. Benedict has described the monastery; now he places the tools in our hands and invites us to begin....

...with love!

Love God. Love your neighbor. Do no harm to another. Renounce yourself in order that you may follow Christ...

...surrender!

There is something profound in the order. Benedict does not first call us to extraordinary prayer, heroic asceticism, or spiritual achievement. He calls us first to justice—to right relationship: with God, with the other, and with ourselves.

This very well may require the most valiant kind of monastic heart:
one willing to set out each morning to find the holy hidden within the other.

Contemplation, then, cannot mean simply learning to see God in some distant spiritual realm. It must teach us to recognize the living Christ standing before us—in the difficult person, the forgotten person, the poor person, the person whose needs inconvenience our own.  The spiritual life must be lived today—now.

Surrendering does not mean despising yourself. It means surrender the tyranny of the self—the instinct that insists that my comfort, my preference, my schedule, my security must always come first. Benedict becomes strikingly practical: do not pamper yourself; relieve the lot of the poor, serve the other.

There it is. Prayer becomes compassion. Contemplation becomes service. Love becomes something we do.

We are called to participate in the great Christian enterprise of acting for others in the place of God—becoming, however imperfectly, the hands through which Christ touches other lives.

Perhaps that is the workshop Benedict is building in Chapter 4.

The tools are before us.

The person beside us is waiting.

And this is where we must live.

The Rule Endures...

The Rule endures not because every detail of sixth-century monastic life can simply be carried unchanged into our own age, but because Benedict understood something enduring about the human heart.

Monastic life rests upon several great pillars: the Gospel lessons, the wisdom of those called to lead, the accumulated experience of the community, and the Rule itself. Each is necessary. The Gospel gives us Christ. Leadership gives the community direction. Experience teaches us what human beings actually do when ideals encounter weakness, fear, ambition, generosity, love, and failure. But the Rule gives these things a distinctive shape. It gives the Benedictine community its character.

“Do nothing without counsel,” Sirach reminds us. Listen. Consult. Discern. Do not imagine that wisdom belongs to one person alone.

And yet counsel requires an anchor.

We live remarkably close to Benedict's world in the things that matter most. We still struggle with pride and humility, obedience and independence, possessions and generosity, authority and service. We still hurt one another. We still need forgiveness. We still want our own way. And we still hunger for God.

That is why the Rule endures.

We may adapt its expression. Indeed, fidelity sometimes demands adaptation. A living tradition cannot become a museum piece. But there is an enormous difference between adapting the Rule and abandoning the Rule. Adaptation asks, How can this ancient wisdom speak faithfully here and now? Abandonment asks only what is convenient now.

Benedict keeps one of our feet planted in an ancient world profoundly acquainted with both the greatness and frailty of humanity. The other foot stands firmly in the world in which God has placed us today.

Between them lies the path.

The Rule does not prevent us from moving forward. It keeps us from forgetting who we are while we move.

Adapt the Rule, yes. Abandon the Rule, no.

For its enduring principles continue to steady us, challenge us, and lead us—from age to age—toward God.

The Wisdom of Community...

There is holiness in the gathered voice.

Benedict understood that authority does not relieve us of the responsibility to listen; it deepens it. When decisions affect the community, those who will live with their consequences must become part of the discernment. Speak your conviction, certainly—but hold it humbly. My experience is not the whole experience. My wisdom is not the whole wisdom.

Wisdom, after all, is distilled experience. Imagine what we might become if we could catalog every lesson our lives have taught us—and then add to that treasury the experiences of everyone around us. The community becomes a living library of insight, failure, discovery, suffering, and grace.

Our task is to espy the truth: to catch sight of something partly hidden, perhaps appearing unexpectedly in another person's words. Truth may come from the voice we least expected to hear. To recognize it requires more than listening with the ears. Benedict calls us to listen with the heart.

This makes consultation a sacred responsibility. We do not convene merely to confirm what we have already decided. We ponder. We question. We listen. We weigh consequences. We allow conscience, foresight, fairness, and compassion to enter the room.

And then we discern.

If we ponder well, discernment may lead us beyond preference toward peace—not necessarily agreement, but the deeper peace of knowing that every voice was honored and the common good was honestly sought.

Authority remains necessary. Decisions must finally be made. But authentic authority never exists for the enlargement of the self. It exists for service.

The wisest leader may therefore be the one who enters the council prepared not merely to speak—but prepared to discover that the truth has arrived in someone else's voice.

The echo has reached us now...

Listen carefully and you will hear the echo of Benedict sounding through the centuries.

Those who fear him lack nothing.

Benedict reaches back to the Psalmist and then sends those ancient words forward into the life of every person entrusted with another. Do not become so consumed with the temporal that you neglect the souls placed before you. Seek first the Kingdom, surrender and trust that what is truly necessary will be given.

Only a generation later Gregory the Great takes up the refrain. The shepherd must live what he teaches. He must remain close enough to his people to carry their weakness, yet rooted deeply enough in contemplation not to be swallowed by their problems. Leadership begins within.

Bonhoeffer, surrounded by the madness of Nazi Germany, insists that genuine spiritual authority grows from listening, helping, bearing, and proclaiming. Merton warns that unless our action rises from a transformed interior life, we merely transmit our own anger, ambition, and disorder. Nouwen carries the melody still further: Christian leadership moves away from power and relevance and toward prayer, vulnerability, communion, and surrender.

Different centuries. Different crises. The same call.

And now the echo reaches us.

We are all entrusted with someone, with our community. A family. A friend. A congregation. A committee. A neighbor. A frightened person who needs courage. A discouraged person who needs hope. Leadership does not require office. 

Sometimes its purest expression is almost invisible: the person who listens,
remains faithful, refuses bitterness, speaks truth gently,
and does not abandon another when the road becomes difficult.

Leadership will wound us. There will be anger at resistance, frustration with what cannot be changed, disappointment when promise comes to nothing, hurt when love is rejected, and grief when cherished work fails.

Benedict reminds us of His call...do not give up.

Not because success is guaranteed. Not because suffering disappears. But because our hope is not grounded in success.  It is grounded in God.

The leader is called to bring a community toward the white heat of the spiritual life—that place where love becomes stronger than disappointment, hope stronger than failure, and surrender stronger than fear. Such leaders do not drive people; they awaken them. They do not manufacture disciples; they help birth souls of steel and light. They remember their own weakness so that they can deal tenderly with the weakness of others. And while helping others toward conversion, they discover that they themselves are still being converted.

Perhaps that is Benedict’s deepest teaching about leadership: we cannot lead anyone toward God without walking the way ourselves.

And beneath all of this another Benedictine melody is sounding.  Listen carefully. It is Chapter 7. Humility.

The leader who remembers his own weakness can forgive weakness. The leader who has surrendered the illusion of self-sufficiency can finally say with the Psalmist: those who truly reverence the Holy One lack nothing.

The echo has reached us now. Listen and live your life with Him....

Surrender in humility and grow....

“To whom much has been given, much will be required.” Spiritual leadership begins beneath the weight of those words. To be entrusted with souls is no privilege of rank. It is a demanding vocation: to guide different temperaments, to coax one, reprove another, encourage another, and somehow remain faithful while carrying one’s own unfinished humanity.

Benedict never imagines a leader who has ceased to struggle. The leader remains among the struggling—still learning, still failing, still being converted. Perhaps this is why weakness, once admitted, can become a gift. What we conceal becomes pride; what we surrender can become humility. Our wounds teach tenderness. Our failures teach patience. Our need for mercy teaches us how to extend mercy.

How, then, do we grow beyond ourselves?

We do not.

God grows us beyond ourselves.

“Surrender now.” Give God the willful spirit that insists upon managing everything alone. Faith is not confidence that we are strong enough; it is confidence that God remains faithful when our strength has disappeared. As Paul discovered, divine power is made perfect precisely where human strength reaches its limit.

The spiritual leader therefore lives continually at the threshold of conversion, believing that tomorrow need not be imprisoned by today. To lead is to believe that transformation is possible—in oneself and in another.

And what an extraordinary calling this becomes: to midwife the spiritual life of this generation and the next. We cannot create that life. We cannot command its birth. We can only watch, encourage, challenge, protect, pray—and trust God with what lies beyond our power.

We strive for holiness not because we are without weakness, but because we know our weakness. And knowing it, we can say with confidence to those entrusted to us:

Come. Let us surrender together.

The God who is changing me can change you too.

Leadership....

Imagine a world led by holy listeners—leaders who listen beneath the words—understanding the deeper fear, hope, resistance, longing, and stirrings of grace. Bonhoeffer understood listening as the first service we owe another. Benedict makes that listening the foundation of authority and growth in the living Christ.

The prior or prioress must lead. There is no holiness in refusing responsibility. But Benedictine authority invites deep understanding. It is argument, appeal, and reproof; sternness when truth is being evaded, tenderness when a bruised spirit needs courage, always devoted. The leader must speak to truth. 

Love that refuses to name what destroys us is not love.

Benedict’s genius lies in his refusal to confuse firmness with uniformity. Souls are not manufactured on an assembly line. One person is awakened by reason, another by encouragement, another only by truth spoken without contempt. Newman knew that conscience must be formed; Nouwen reminded us that Christian leadership relinquishes domination; Merton insisted that spiritual freedom means becoming the person God calls us to be. Thus authority must be personal without becoming partial, disciplined without becoming domineering.

We all stand before the leader unfinished. Every one of us is an unfinished story. The questions and the answers that follow are rich threads woven together to form the tapestry of our lives. 

What do each of us need in order to grow toward truth, freedom, humility, and love
on our journey to the living Christ within?

Order matters because growth requires a trustworthy place in which to occur. Standards matter because love has direction. Correction matters because none of us is finished.

The holy leader listens deeply enough to know when to coax and when to confront, when to wait and when to act. Then, having listened, the leader leads.

For in the end, authority is not the privilege of being obeyed. It is the sacred burden of helping another become more fully, truly alive in God.

We are all one in Christ....

As Christ's representative on earth, Benedict asks the prior and prioress to see the world through His eyes.

The world instinctively creates ranks. We distinguish by wealth, education, influence, family, achievement, appearance, and social standing. Benedict quietly dismantles all of that. Within the community, none of these things determines a person’s worth. The one born free is not greater than the one born a slave. The powerful are not more important than the obscure. Before God, we stand on the same ground.

We are all one in Christ.

This is more than a statement about equality. It is a demand that we learn to see one another as God sees us. Each person shares equally in the service of the one God. No one possesses a privileged path to grace. No one is beneath the attention of the community. There can therefore be no favoritism, because favoritism would mean assigning a value to someone that God has not assigned.

Yet Benedict does recognize differences among us. They are not differences of status, but of spiritual maturity. In God’s sight, he says, we are distinguished only by good works and humility.

That places an enormous responsibility upon the leader. Equality does not mean treating every circumstance identically. Benedict calls for the same discipline according to merit. Justice sometimes requires different responses to different people. The prior or prioress may even alter a person’s rank—but only when justice demands it, never because of affection, influence, friendship, or prestige.

Here lies the deeper spiritual lesson.

Christian leadership must constantly ask: Am I seeing this person through the eyes of Christ, or through the prejudices and preferences I have brought with me?

The monastery becomes holy when worldly distinctions disappear and each person is encountered simply as a child of God.

There are no favorites at the foot of the cross.

There are only brothers and sisters, standing together before God, learning humility, practicing love, and becoming one in Christ.

Walk the path...show the way....

Spiritual leadership begins not with instruction, but with example. The leader is called to do what every member of the community is called to do: listen, obey, serve, forgive, and seek God. Leadership does not exempt us from the Rule; it places us more deeply within it. We demonstrate God’s instructions by becoming, as best we can, a living expression of them.

Jesus’ warning is always near: How can we see the splinter in another’s eye while failing to notice the plank in our own? Before correcting another, the spiritual leader must first confront the self. Authority without self-examination easily becomes judgment.

The Tao Te Ching offers another beautiful image: spokes join together in a wheel, but it is the empty center that makes the wheel useful. Spiritual leaders stand near that center—not as the most important members of the community, but as those charged with keeping the community centered. They become the norm only insofar as they mirror the values they proclaim and live the ideals they teach.

For Benedict, obedience within a cenobitic community is not servitude and certainly not blind submission. It is a thoughtful listening among equals who seek together what is best for the whole community. Such obedience can never be demanded merely by position. Authentic obedience grows when those who ask it of others have first demonstrated their own willingness to listen and obey.

What we do not live, we do not have the right to require.

The spiritual leader, then, is a light—not because the light originates within the leader, but because the leader reflects the light of God. The task is not simply to tell others where the path lies, but to walk it visibly, humbly, and faithfully, so that others may recognize the way.

Yes...

Benedict’s vision of leadership is demanding precisely because it refuses to make the leader responsible for another person’s response. The leader must teach, proclaim, model, warn, encourage, and create a community in which the search for God is possible. But ultimately, each person must listen and choose.

Perhaps spiritual leadership can be described this simply: show them the mountain, point toward the path, and let them go.

The difficulty is that we begin our journey carrying a moral frame of reference shaped largely by the secular world around us. It is weak, incomplete, and sometimes unwilling to surrender its assumptions. Into that frame we must patiently build the moral vision of Christ—not merely by learning rules, but through prayer, Scripture, meditation, contemplation, reflection, and above all, listening.

“Pray without ceasing” becomes less an instruction to speak endlessly to God than an invitation to live continually attentive to God.

There will also be times when the dazzling light and flame of the living Christ seems hidden. Spiritual leadership then requires the courage to seek that light, recognize it in unexpected places, and proclaim what we have found. The leader cannot manufacture the flame. The leader can only keep searching for it and point others toward its light.

Yet Benedict never permits this emphasis on personal responsibility to become individualism. We are accountable for ourselves, but we are also responsible for the environment we create for others. Our words, attitudes, patience, judgments, and love either make the road toward God easier to see or obscure it.

Cain asked, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” The Gospel answers the question.

Yes.

We cannot walk the path for another. But we can make certain that, through us, they can see the mountain.

The spiritual leader....

Spiritual leadership begins not with leading others, but with allowing God to lead us. Before we can point toward the Way, we must confront ourselves with the presence of God and choose, every day, to follow. We must keep the living God before us until our decisions, our relationships, and particularly our failures are measured against that Presence.

This takes time. The spiritual journey is a lifetime’s journey. Time changes us; experience humbles us; mistakes, honestly faced, can become instruments of growth. The essential discipline is to listen—to God, to life, to one another, and especially to those whose voices the world too easily ignores.

The spiritual leader must never teach or model anything that leads away from God. The standard is Christ: immersed in God, loving the marginalized, doing the Gospel rather than merely proclaiming it, challenging the comfortable, and becoming a beacon even to the strong. Spiritual leadership is the work of confronting the world with the presence of God.

Yet we cannot make another person’s journey. We can show them the Way; they must choose to walk it. We can help them see the world clearly and then invite them to follow Christ. We can create conditions in which they can see God active in their life—and in which they may discover that God has been seeking them all along.

Perhaps our greatest challenge is constructing a moral and spiritual frame of reference while living within a culture that constantly offers us another one. We bring to this work weak wills, incomplete understanding, and divided loyalties. Nevertheless, every day offers choices that give life depth and quality.

Spiritual leadership, then, is not mastery. It is faithful witness: allowing God to find us, choosing the Way again and again, and living so that others may glimpse through us the God who is calling all of us home.

Grace abounds....

The call to a monastic way of life was present almost from the beginning. Jesus withdrew to solitude and prayer; Paul valued celibacy; early Christians practiced fasting, voluntary poverty, virginity, disciplined prayer, and radical sharing. By the second and third centuries, ascetic men and women were already recognizable groups within the Church. Monasticism did not suddenly appear in the Egyptian desert; the desert gathered, intensified, and organized impulses already alive in Christian discipleship.

Then came a remarkable progression: Antony embodied solitary renunciation; Pachomius organized monks into communities; Basil insisted that holiness must be learned with others through obedience, prayer, work, and charity; Cassian carried the wisdom of Egypt westward. Benedict inherited this long experiment. Chapter 1 shows that he knew monasticism could succeed or fail: cenobites and mature hermits sought God through discipline; Sarabaites and Gyrovagues represented spirituality governed chiefly by self-will.

From within Christian faith, Benedict’s story might well be read as grace working through history—not as God dropping a finished Rule from heaven, but as grace patiently refining human experience. Benedict receives what came before him, tests it, moderates its excesses, and gives Western Christianity something remarkably humane: stability, community, obedience, prayer, work, restraint, and a lifelong school for learning love. Benedictine history is a compelling picture of providence working through generations.

The monastic impulse is not uniquely to Christian. Buddhism and Jainism developed disciplined communities of renunciants centuries earlier; Hindu traditions produced sannyasins, ashrams, and monastic orders. Daoism has monastic communities, while Sufi Islam developed brotherhoods sharing certain monastic features, though Islam generally rejects formal monasticism. God would seem to work across all religions—deep transformation inviting renunciation, discipline, silence, community, practice, and sustained attention to ultimate reality. The forms differ profoundly, but the spiritual instinct behind them is ancient and remarkably persistent.

Surrender...

Walk with me.  There is a remarkable consistency running beneath the differences of language, temperament, and theology. The desert mothers and fathers, Augustine, Benedict, the medieval mystics, the Reformers, Teresa and John of the Cross, de Caussade, the modern contemplatives—all wrestle with essentially the question we've been asking:

If God is already present, how do we become capable of living in that Presence?

History's answer is almost never, find the right idea. It is much closer to: become the kind of person who can receive what has already been given.

1. We begin by turning

The oldest word is metanoia—turning, changing one's mind, reorienting one's life.

The desert fathers fled into the desert not because they believed God lived there rather than in Alexandria, but because they discovered how difficult it was to hear God through the noise of an undisciplined life. Their first work was exceedingly practical: watch your thoughts, restrain your appetites, tell the truth about yourself, forgive, pray, work, become quiet.

Benedict makes the same beginning more humane and communal. Amend your ways. Correct the faults. Safeguard love. Walk the way.

At first, therefore, the path feels narrow. We are learning what not to do. We are discovering how much of what we call "ourselves" is actually habit, appetite, fear, resentment, vanity, distraction.

This is purification—not becoming worthy of God, but clearing away the debris that prevents us from recognizing God.

2. Discipline slowly becomes disposition

This is where Sister Joan's observation about affectation matters enormously.

We cannot simply admire holiness. We cannot adopt the vocabulary, mannerisms, emotions, or appearance of spirituality and thereby possess it.

The spiritual life must be practiced until it becomes our life—who we are.

The early monks called this askesis: training. Benedict gives it rhythm—prayer, Scripture, silence, work, obedience, community, humility.

At first I consciously practice patience.

Eventually I become more patient.

At first I deliberately stop myself from judging.

Eventually the need to judge begins to weaken.

At first I make myself listen.

Eventually I become a listening person.

This is why the path and grace are not two competing explanations. Discipline does not manufacture God. Discipline makes us increasingly receptive to the God who is already acting.

We practice; grace transforms.

3. Then comes illumination: we learn to see

Here Augustine becomes especially important.

We begin our spiritual lives by looking under every bush for God.

Where is he?

Which book has the answer?

Which teacher?

Which practice?

Which church?

Which experience?

And eventually Augustine makes the astonishing discovery:

God was nearer to him than he was to himself.

The search changes direction.

But even "looking within" can be misleading if it means intense self-examination. The contemplative tradition gradually says something more subtle:

Do not merely look inward.
Become quiet enough to notice.

Hence Benedict:

Listen.

The desert tradition: guard the heart.

The Cloud of Unknowing: relinquish the compulsion to comprehend God intellectually.

Eckhart: become empty.

Teresa: enter the interior castle.

John of the Cross: allow attachments—even spiritual attachments—to fall away.

The language differs. The movement is strikingly similar.

4. Eventually we discover that God is doing the seeking

This may be the great reversal in the spiritual life.

Initially:

I am looking for God.

Later:

God is calling me.

Deeper still:

God has been seeking me all along.

That explains the beautiful paradox in Sister Joan's language about centering ourselves where the God we are seeking is seeking us.

Suddenly the spiritual life is no longer primarily an achievement.

It becomes response.

And therefore surrender begins to replace striving.

Not passivity. Not indifference. Not abandoning moral responsibility.

Rather:

I cease trying to control the encounter.

This is where grace becomes unmistakable.

5. Surrender leads us back into the present moment

And here the mystical tradition becomes surprisingly practical.

If God is present, where shall I meet God?

Not yesterday.

Not in the imagined person I shall someday become.

Not after I have conquered all my faults.

Not when I finally learn how to pray properly.

Here. Now.

De Caussade calls this the sacrament of the present moment. Benedict simply constructs an entire life around it: this prayer, this brother or sister, this task, this meal, this interruption, this moment of obedience.

The extraordinary spiritual discovery is that the path to God does not finally lead away from ordinary life.

It leads more deeply into it.

6. And then comes the final transformation: love

This is why Benedict's seemingly modest phrase "safeguard love" may actually contain the destination.

The proof of communion with God is not mystical sensation.

It is not spiritual knowledge.

It is not ascetic accomplishment.

It is the transformation of the person toward love.

John says it bluntly: whoever loves knows God.

Augustine says, in effect, love rightly and act from that love.

Benedict concludes his Rule not with an esoteric mystical technique but with good zeal: honor one another, bear weaknesses patiently, seek the other's good, prefer nothing whatever to Christ.

The search that begins with "Where is God?" ends strangely with "How shall I love?"

And perhaps that is because they turn out to be almost the same question.

We cannot cause communion with God, but we can consent to it.

That reconciles the two voices we have been hearing throughout the tradition:

Practice. Discipline yourself. Walk the way.

and

Surrender. Receive. Only by grace.

They are not competing paths.

Practice teaches us how to surrender.

And surrender finally reveals what practice could never accomplish by itself.

There is even a classic Christian pattern for this journey. The ancient and medieval writers often describe three movements:

Purgation → Illumination → Union

Maybe we if use the language we have been developing through Benedict, we could make it warmer and more alive:

Turn → Practice → Listen → Surrender → Love.

Or perhaps even more beautifully:

Walk the way.

Learn to listen.

Discover that God is already near.

Surrender the need to control the encounter.

And live, here and now, in love.

That last formulation feels to me very close to where we began. It preserves both sides of the great paradox: 

We must undertake the journey with everything we possess—and eventually
discover that the One toward whom we have been walking
has been carrying us all along.